Tips to Make the Most of Parent/Teacher Conferences
Elementary school parent/teacher conferences are SO SHORT! After attending many conferences, this is how I prepare for them, and what I ask during them, to make the most of my time with the teachers!
This week I already had my first parent/teacher conference of the school year! It was for my daughter C(9) who is in 4th grade. It’s always so shocking how quickly the time goes in parent/teacher conferences – ours are usually just 20 minutes long. When I first started going to these conferences I always left feeling like I hadn’t had enough time to find out what I wanted to, and it was really frustrating…
I have three kids – one in 6th grade, one in 4th grade, and one in kindergarten – and that means I’ve attended many parent/teacher conferences. That also means I’ve learned a lot about how to prep for them so that my 20 minutes is as productive for me (and my kid) as possible.
So, since ‘tis the season for parent/teacher conferences, and since I’m your Type A Mom friend who’s here to help streamline the behind-the-scenes work of parenting, I thought that this week I’d share what’s been helpful for me to have successful conferences. I hope that some of these ideas make your parent/teacher conferences go smoothly!
THE PREP
Signing Up
Getting the time that works for your schedule is important! Some schools offer childcare during parent/teacher conferences and some don’t, and while some schools offer early morning times before school opens (which means before most offices open so people don’t have to miss work), some schools only offer parent/teacher conferences during the school day which is typically during a work day. Coordinating childcare and time off work is a lot to do!
The best way I’ve found to help get the time that works best for my schedule is as soon as I hear when sign ups are happening I set an alarm in my phone for that time so I can log on right at sign up time! That gives me the best chance of having my choice of times that will work for me (and my husband).
Supplies
First, I look up any standardized test scores my kid has taken, and I save them to my files in my phone so I can have them handy to look at.
Second, I write down questions I want to make sure are addressed during the conference (the questions I ask are listed in the next category).
Third, I bring a small notebook to take notes. I keep a small notepad for each of my kids where I take notes during their parent/teacher conferences. The notepad is helpful because as I go through the years with my kids I can refer back to previous conferences to see if there’s been growth or see when an issue began.
The way I set up my note taking during the conference is I have my phone open to my list of questions or my kid’s standardized tests, and then next to my phone I place my notepad and that’s where I write down what the teachers are saying.
Fourth, I always bring a water bottle for me. I never know if I’ll get nervous and will need a sip of water before asking a question!
Fifth, I bring a purse big enough for the water bottle, notebook, and any papers the teachers hand out (this purse is one of my favorite “mom purses” because it’s big and durable yet still stylish!).
Fifth, I wear sneakers so I can easily walk around campus, and clothes that are comfortable when we sit in small desk chairs for the meeting - nothing too short or tight!😉
Talk to My Kids
I always ask my kids what questions they want me to ask the teachers. I do this so my kids know their voice is important in a conversation with their teachers, and because it’s interesting to hear what they want to know because it’s usually about recess time or when they can choose who they sit next to or when the next field trip is!
I also ask my kids if there is anything I need to know before I go in – aka a heads up in case a class isn’t going well or there have been times my kid got in trouble and didn’t tell me…
Arrive Early
There is always some kind of traffic, or parking delay, or finding our way around campus that takes longer than we thought it would. I arrive early enough for those issues to not impact our short amount of meeting time!
QUESTIONS
Preparing questions is a big part of making the parent/teacher conference go well! The teachers usually go through test scores, the kid’s writing and reading style, math worksheets, etc. (click here for a reel that the virtual tutoring company EnrichedNYC did about deciphering what teachers are saying).
The focus of the teacher’s presentation is usually about kid’s academics, and often they don’t touch upon how kids are doing socially inside and outside the classroom. So while yes, there are many academic questions to ask once I see how the work is going, I also make sure to ask questions about how my child is doing emotionally since that will affect how they learn.
This is how I categorize my questions, and if at the end of the conference these all haven’t been addressed then I will ask them:
Social/Emotional Question Ideas:
When is my child most confident?
Who are the other kids my child is talking with the most?
Is my child leading conversations and activities or are they following?
If they’re following, does it seem like they’re able to speak their mind or are they felling stuck?
Are those friends a positive influence on my child?
Are there any friendships I should foster outside of school so my child plays with them more often during school?
What is my child’s mood when they walk into the classroom each day?
Do they ask for help or wait until the teacher notices they’re behind?
How do they react when their work or behavior is corrected?
How organized are they about getting work done – both with how their desk is organized and with how they attack an assignment?
Are they able to transition to each subject well or is adjusting difficult?
Classroom/Academic Question Ideas:
How often are tests and quizzes given?
When are standardized tests given?
What scores did my child get on their standardized tests, and what is the score my teachers think my child should be getting?
What help can we be giving at home to improve classroom performance?
Do they take criticism well?
Do they volunteer for academic tasks or only for “fun” tasks like line leader?
I explain how homework is going at home and then ask how it’s being turned in and handled in the classroom.
I also ask if there are things I can do to help my kid’s day go easier. Things like can they open their lunchbox and water bottle or do they need easier ones, do they need a fidget spinner to help them focus, are they able to tie their shoes quickly, etc. This week I realized I need a second pair of glasses for my daughter to just keep at school in her desk so she has easy access to them!
WRAP UP
When the conference is ending, I usually restate what we’ve discussed the action plan is for my child going forward, so that we’re all on the same page. And then I will ask how they want me to communicate with them as the year goes on.
If my child is very behind, then I ask the teachers if a separate meeting with the school’s learning specialist is needed. Especially with the fall conferences, it’s good to get ahead of what may come up later in the year and get support in place now.
If my child isn’t too far behind, but there is a need for some extra help outside of school, I ask what would be most helpful – reading/writing tutor, math tutor, online games/activities, outside analysis. Since teachers have seen and taught many kinds of learners, I like to find out exactly what extra help they think my child needs in order to be successful that year.
When I get home I will sit and talk with my kid about what was said. Typically before fifth grade I will only say all the positive things that were said, and also say how much the teachers like having my kid in the class, so that my kid will be inspired to keep trying hard! Once my kid gets older and can understand feedback (usually fifth grade and up), then I will say it to them.
I hope these ideas help your fall conferences go well! And a reminder that the fall conferences are usually to show you the baseline skills your child has and where the teachers wants to guide them to by the end of the year. The conferences will not be a full review of your child as a student because the teachers do not know your student well enough. So if there is something that needs to be addressed to give your child a great school year, now is the time to get that started!
❤️, Amanda, your Type A Mom friend
PS - for additional school-related articles I’ve written, click below!
So helpful! I never know how to utilize these and it often feels like I've left, missing an opportunity to get more juice for the squeeze so to speak!
This is so helpful! I have my first conference with my son's 3rd grade teacher this week. I'm definitely going to be using your questions as guidance on what I want to ask.