Lessons Learned from Being a New Mom at 8(!) Schools
Between 3 kids, and a few moves, I've been a new parent at 8 different schools! Here's what I've observed and learned from all that experience...
Unlike the past few summers, I’m feeling very relaxed about the new school year starting soon. And yes, this is despite it starting this Wednesday for my 6-year-old, and despite my Type A tendency to overthink everything! While we’re on the overthinking note, this week I decided I needed to analyze why I’m so chill about the switch from summer to school this year.
As I compared this summer to previous summers I realized that while we’ve had just about the same summer routine the past few summers, there is something unique about this summer that I have not experienced in three years – this summer I am not prepping a kid, or me, to start a new school - which is a huge stress load off my plate and definitely why I’m so comparatively relaxed right now.
Last summer I was getting my then 11-year-old son ready to start a new school for middle school, and the summer before I was getting my 4-year-old son ready to start a new school for Transitional Kindergarten. AND during both of those summers I was getting ME ready for those big changes too!
The new tech portals I had to figure out for each school, the new school calendars for each school, the drop off and pick up procedures for each school, the specific school supplies, the new uniforms, the new lunch procedures, alllllllll the forms (emergency contact info, medical, classroom parent lists, etc.), signing up for after-school activities on campus, and much much more...
Plus, the social battery I was trying to get revved up to meet all the new parents and teachers and administrators and staff – all people who I knew would be extremely important to my kids’ lives both in and out of the classroom, so I felt a lot of pressure to show up with positive energy and remember names!
It’s no wonder that this summer transition to school feels really calm for me – I don’t have any of my three kids starting a new school so I’m already set up at each school!
When I thought about how much work being a new parent at school is, and therefore why I feel so relaxed right now because I’m not one this year, I realized I’ve been a new parent at 8 SCHOOLS (across preschool and elementary school) because we’ve moved a few times to different parts of Los Angeles, and to Idaho for a year. That’s a lot of experience with being new to a school that I can share!
So, since I’m your Type A Mom friend who’s here to help navigate modern parenting, if you’re starting a new school this year I’m here to help! This week I’m sharing my experience with being a new parent at school, and what I learned to do and not do, oftentimes the hard way… As always, please take from this what helps your unique family and leave the rest💜
LESSONS LEARNED FROM BEING A NEW PARENT AT SCHOOL
Show Up to Every School Event in the First Two Months
After all my experience, it’s clear that the early events of the year are the most crucial since that’s when information is shared that will be used all year long. I know there are tons of new school year events to attend and it’s hard to get time off work or find childcare for kids who are at home with you, but attending these events helped me better understand the school as a whole, hear important things that may not be sent out in emails, and see what committees/volunteer positions resonate and what don’t. Often these events do not require both parents to attend, and there may be Zoom options, which can help with logistics.
If you can’t make any of the events, please please consider prioritizing attending the back-to-school night. At every single school we’ve been to this has been the most crucial event to attend. Parents get to be in the classroom to see how it’s set up, the teacher explains what’s expected of kids that year and their plans, and there is a ton of important all-school and classroom information that seems to be only told to parents during that night.
Also, there are fun events in the first few months like back-to-school fairs and family movie nights so attending those is a great way to meet other families and to get a glimpse into your kid’s school life!
Set Up Every Tech Portal/Communication Method Ahead of the First Day
Setting up all the new school’s systems takes time. And once school starts, you’ll be in the rush of figuring out the day-to-day logistics of a new school, plus you’ll likely be dealing with your emotions and your kid’s emotions about this big change. That means you won’t have a lot of extra bandwidth to spend on other areas of starting a new school, and some of those areas are crucial to starting the year off informed!
I learned the hard way that to not feel like I’m drowning/ping-ponging back and forth between figuring out what needs to be set up, that I should take time before the year starts to make sure I:
can log in to the school website/portal
sign up for the classroom message app (like Class Dojo)
sign up for the class WhatsApp group
save the school’s phone number in your phone so you know it’s them calling if they do
have filled out the emergency contact information
have filled out the authorized people pick up information
follow school and PTA Instagram accounts for real-time information
have updated my contact information so all staff and parents can reach me
A note on the parent WhatsApp group:
When my older kids started the same school in fall of 2021, both of their classroom’s room parents reached out and told me how to sign in to the parents WhatsApp. None of the other schools we’d been to had a WhatsApp group and I’d always gotten all my info via email from class parents and the teachers, so I didn’t think signing up for the WhatsApp groups was necessary.
Well I quickly learned that was the wrong choice! The WhatsApp groups are where important information goes - not the email - so I missed announcements like last minute free dress or theme days, how to sign up for school performance tickets, when there was a lice breakout (!!!), when there were volunteer opportunities to be in the classroom, and so much more!
So yes, the WhatsApp group can be a lot to look at since people seem to use them for personal questions instead of texting friends (it’s so public so why they do this I don’t know – please don’t do this!!) but without being in the group my kids and I were left out of important information…
The best way I’ve found to manage these messages is I put the WhatsApp app on a different page of my phone than my main app page. That way I don’t have to see it going off all day. Then, I set two times a day to look at it and see what I’ve missed - typically after drop-off and before dinner.
Understand the Emergency Protocols
During the first week of school last year my kindergartner’s school had a lockdown. Not a drill – and actual lockdown. It was a terrible call to get, and made me panic and worry about what systems were set up at school for situations like this. All ended up okay – there was major police presence in the area and they needed the streets cleared – but we didn’t know that when the school sent out their recorded message saying the kids were on a lockdown and no details could be given!
Knowing an emergency can happen at anytime, here’s what I’ve learned is important to know right at the start of the school year:
How to contact the teacher during the day: so far we’ve had teachers tell us three different ways they like to be contacted – one teacher said by calling the main office, another teacher said by emailing them, and another teacher said to contact them by messaging in the classroom app – so make sure you know how your teacher communicates!
Pick up procedures in an emergency: at what gate/door do I get my kid (schools often have different protocols for different ages), where do they evacuate to if they must leave campus, etc.
Confirm the school has my kid’s emergency in-state and out-of-state contacts updated, and that those contacts know they’re on my kids’ emergency list
Do Not Volunteer Until You Know What’s Required
Signing up for volunteer positions I knew nothing about was a huge mistake I made at a few schools… I now know that I should wait and observe for a few weeks (or months) to see where my skills can be additive, and to understand what I’d actually like to do to help!
My first lesson in jumping in too quickly was with our first preschool when my oldest son was 2.5 years old and my daughter was 2 months old. I had just left my job in order to be home with them full-time so I felt like I had so much time, and that I needed to sign up for all the things!
So when the school asked for volunteers to go on a Friday at 10am to meet the In-N-Out truck (so LA, right?!) that was at the elementary school campus, pick up all the preschool food orders, and then walk them the 2 blocks to the preschool, I said yes! I was excited to meet other parents and also this sounded fun because I got to see my kid!
Well, turns out I was the only parent who signed up. So it took me multiple trips to bring all the food over, and then there were mistakes from the truck so since I was the only volunteer I had to go back and change out orders, and because of all this I didn’t get to see my son other than a hug when I gave him his burger. And then, after that day, the school said since I was the only one who’d signed up that I was now in charge of it and would be doing it monthly! I knew they needed the help, and that the kids loved it, so I did it and tried to recruit other parents. I didn’t know anyone yet and so only found help a few times…
I wish I’d waited to see how it worked before I volunteered, or at least waited until I knew some parents and we could do it together! If you’d like more thoughts on volunteering, I wrote about the other things I’ve learned are important to consider before volunteering at school in this previous post.
It Takes Time to Make Parent Friends
The best way to get comfortable at a new school is to spend time with people who go there too! I’ve made some of my best friends at my kids’ schools, but it was only through repeated interactions and time spent together that this bonding happened. And I know you may not be looking for more best friends or may not click with anyone in the school, which I totally get and absolutely experienced, but I do believe you will need a support system at school to ask questions to or to find out information or for help once in a while, so finding a kind parent you can reach out to is really helpful.
At my oldest son’s first preschool his teachers said we should all be having playdates over the weekend. I thought that was too much since he already sees the kids all week long! But now I see it was as much for us as parents as for the kids – we needed to find our school parent village, and playdates are one of the fastest ways to do it. I didn’t do many playdates at that school but did at the next schools we went to, and it’s a huge way I made friends and a school support system.
When my oldest son went to kindergarten the parents were allowed to hang out on the playground before the morning bell and then after pick up. This was an amazing way to get to know the other parents, and even though we haven’t been to that school since that year (we moved away for his first grade year because Covid hit then and then switched schools when we came back to LA) those are still some of my closest friends!
Other ways I’ve made school parent friends:
We went to every birthday party we could
We signed up for after-school classes other parents organized like art, athletics, music, etc.
Went to the school “party book” events (these are small activities that parents plan for other school parents to participate in and raise funds for the school – a great way to bond since everyone is there to do something together and meet other parents)
Hosting events: in preschool I hosted a weekly art class at our house, in other schools I’ve hosted party books, we invite the entire class to our kids’ birthday parties (until 3rd grade then we invite by all one gender)
Find a Parent with Older Kids at the School
Finding someone who knows the school in and out because they have older kids who’ve been attending for years is extremely valuable! I did not know to do this/was too shell shocked to reach out to veteran parents in my first school experiences. But now I know how helpful it is so I try to introduce myself to them right away – they have inside tips on everything, and are filled with answers for all the random questions first time parents have!
Those are my observations after being a new parent at school 8 different times… I hope that what I experienced and shared here is helpful if you are a new parent this school year!
I also want to share with you a back-to-school PDF checklist I made this week that will set us all up for success this school year. I’ve organized it into two pages: the first page is everything that helps you with their school year (schedules, forms, systems, etc.) and the second page is everything that is about your kid (their clothes, their summer assignments, their doctor checkups, etc.).
Whether you’re starting school this week (like one of my kids!) or in September (like another of my kids!) I hope that my experience and ideas are helpful. As always, take what works for your unique family and leave the rest.
❤️, Amanda, your Type A Mom friend
PS: I got to do something so fun this week with a dear friend I met through my daughter’s school - very apropos of this week’s post❤️ - I was a guest on Tika Sumpter’s YouTube channel “Over Coffee”! We chatted about all things modern parenting - starting school, building resiliency in kids, sleepovers, routines - and had the best time! Check it out here🎥
PPS: Do you need curated back-to-school lists of items my 3 kids and I love and actually use? I’m here to help!
Click here for Elementary School Supplies/Locker Items/Gear (on Amazon)
Click here for Lunch Packing Tools (on Amazon)
Click here for Kindergarten Gear/Supplies
Click here for Elementary Essentials Like Cute First Day Signs/Bracelets/Pencil Boxes (not on Amazon)
Click here for Homework Supplies (on Amazon)
Having been a new mom at 5 schools, I agree with all these lessons! Thank you as always for thinking about the topic so comprehensively and outlining the key points so clearly 😊⭐️
Cannot believe the school year starts Wednesday (for LAUSD at least)! Thank you so much for these fantastic tips (and omg poor you re: the In n Out story - you're a hero)!